The Birds Sing for You Too

"What we think isolates us is, ironically, our uniting factor. You’re not alone in this, even if your mind has tricked you into believing as such."

Date

On one of those unusual delightfully warm days, I sat on a bench on Middle Path with my legs crossed. This is one of those quintessential Kenyon activities I always intend to do yet never quite find the moment to actually experience. On this particular day, however, I did sit down, and I stared. Uncomprehending and appearing deeply aloof to all around me, I stared straight into space. I could’ve been looking at a synchronized flash mob or a nuclear drone striking Chalmers and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I didn’t care to know, really. Kenyon, in all that it is, became obscured from my consciousness as I was enveloped by the ebbing tide of my volatile emotions. I floated out into a vast sea of disconnect, bobbing along waves of isolation.

I did not feel like I was enough for Kenyon, and by compounding exasperation, the world. It felt that at any moment I would blink and everything would have moved out of my grasp. I questioned if I was really ever meant to be here, if I had what it took. Maybe I slipped through some administrative crack and landed here? Maybe it was simply a quota to be met? I’m not too bad on paper, I chuckled to myself. Perhaps, that’s where the duplicity lay. The record of my achievements preceded me but perhaps, it had exaggerated me. Yes, I’ve earned everything I claim to have. But did I, really? I know the secret and now you do too. I’ve pulled off the most elaborate deception. 

This pattern of thoughts can be categorized as  a symptom of 'imposter syndrome’, a term coined in 1978 and recently popularized by social media. The phenomenon is generally described as a psychological occurrence where people doubt their own skills and abilities, often fearing that they’ll soon be exposed as a fraud. The term was first introduced by female psychologists, Clance and Imes, who observed this phenomenon in other high-achieving women around them, though recent studies have shown that the effects are observed almost equally among both men and women. The issue stems from various factors such as family expectations, struggles with self-worth, and fear of failure. 

"Everyone is so aware of each other’s accomplishments, often competing for the same things. Funnily enough, this means that almost everyone around you is also going through those exact thought processes. What we think isolates us is, ironically, our uniting factor. You’re not alone in this, even if your mind has tricked you into believing as such."

Syeda Rida Zaneb '25

As young adults being flung out into the vast world, Kenyon students can relate deeply with these feelings. Amidst such a transition, it is not surprising that we struggle with imposter syndrome, however, that does not mean the effects are any less crippling. This phenomenon can manifest itself in the form of increased social anxiety, disassociation, and burn out from constant self-doubt. One of my friends, Luke, described his experience as an almost instant sensation; “When a good thing happens or when I succeed at something, the imposter syndrome is just, like, immediate,” he says, “I can’t tell if it’s just who I am or if it’s the expectation here.” Amidst Kenyon’s fast-paced environment and rigorous academics, it is quite easy to find yourself exhibiting these symptoms and feeling confused or unsure about how to deal with them. The crux of the matter lies in the fact that these sentiments of uncertainty do not define who you are or what you are achieving but are simply a culmination of various influences we experience in our early childhood that shape our perceptions.

I talked to my friend, Mollie, about this, sharing my own doubts and wondering why this happens so often in college. “I think there’s just so many expectations and standards put upon us and everybody tries to make it seem as though they’re meeting them so when you look at everybody else it feels like they’re meeting them,” she said. I realized that in a close-knit community like Kenyon, this effect is intensified since everyone is so aware of each other’s accomplishments, often competing for the same things. Funnily enough, this means that almost everyone around you is also going through those exact thought processes. What we think isolates us is, ironically, our uniting factor. You’re not alone in this, even if your mind has tricked you into believing as such. It’s important to remember this, especially when we catch ourselves slipping into familiar patterns of comparisons and pitting ourselves against other people’s accomplishments. What might be someone’s best moment does not merit comparison with your lowest. 

There are many tips and techniques out there for dealing with imposter syndrome. An endless barrage of self-positivity and hustle culture media is directed towards us from all corners of the Internet. However, it is imperative that we don’t set ourselves up for failure by creating lofty mental goals. My friend, G, described her way of dealing with imposter syndrome as a ‘fake it till you make it’ mindset. This idea is actually quite helpful for dealing with feelings of inadequacy since the first step to remedying such thoughts is reframing your mindset.

Translating negative thoughts into positive affirmations, even if you don’t fully believe them in the moment, leads to a significant improvement in your perspective about yourself and your achievements. Something as simple as “I didn’t do as well as that person” being reframed as “I did my best, who cares?” can ultimately shape a much more positive attitude towards yourself. Seems trivial, I know, but it is undeniably effective. 

Taking care of your mental health is paramount to dealing with your imposter syndrome, along with generally ensuring a healthier lifestyle. My roommate put it in the best terms I can describe: “Wake up on time, have two meals a day, see two people you genuinely love every day and you’ll be okay.” This might sound too simple to really work, but it does.

Personally, cultivating healthy habits such as drinking enough water, eating meals on time and sleeping as much as my body requires are what allow me to overcome my mental blocks and low feelings. I know I can’t always avoid feelings like these, but knowing that I’m actively taking care of myself helps me get out of the rut. There are also several resources available on campus such as Cox Health and Counseling Center’s services, the TELUS Health Student Support program, and areas like the Center for Wellness and Meditation that provide support for students dealing with these issues. There is no great secret to fixing imposter syndrome, but genuine dedicated effort into making yourself feel better through the simplest of means will help you not only survive but truly thrive. 

As I sat there on that bench that day, my reveries were interrupted by a sweet melodic twittering. I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing hums of the red-winged blackbirds. Suddenly, I realized that a group of people on the bench next to me were doing the same thing. They were smiling and pointing at the tree, trying to snap pictures of a red black flutter. It jolted me out of my bubble, instantly. What a comforting thought to know that even if I felt so disconnected from everything around me, I was still there. I had worked my way here and I deserved to be here. Maybe, just maybe, the birds were singing for me too.